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Eh Jerk Driver!
This goes out to the inconsiderate jerk in the black Honda. If you’re on a suicide mission, please don’t involve innocent people. Earlier this month, I driving on Kailai Waa Street in Wailea, heading...
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Eh Fake Navy SEAL Deadbeat Dad!
To the self-proclaimed “education parent” who rips up his son’s homework and throws it into the trash, tells both of his kids they do not go to “a real school” (Hawaiian immersion) and teaches his...
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Eh Costco Gas Station Line Cutter!
This goes out to the jerk who cut in line at Costco gas station. You cut off five people who were waiting for gas. You just drove up to the front pump as that person left, as though no one else was in...
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Eh Rude Ultrasound Tech!
To the young ultrasound technician: I think you should get your pulse checked. When a pregnant woman who is lying on your table has questions about the procedures you are performing on her body, you...
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Eh Generous Guy In Line!
One morning not too long ago I traveled across the island to get tickets to a big concert. I got there around 8:45am (tickets went on sale at 9am) and had my one-year-old daughter in her backpack...
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Eh Harsh Restaurant Critic!
Just wanted to thank the wonderful guest whose disregard for an out-of-order bathroom sign ended my employment. I did apologize and do my best to make things right with you but you weren’t even...
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Eh Wannabe Hardcore Taggers!
To the hardcore gangsters who’ve been tagging my neighborhood in giant ugly red spray paint: Last time I checked, it’s not so “hardcore” to tag a community-built children’s bus stop in your own...
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Eh Guy Who Took Me On Date To Some Stranger’s House!
Thank you for the amazing time we spent on the beach together. It was nice to meet you, but getting to know you is another story. To be honest, I didn’t know whether to be flattered or pissed off when...
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Eh Thieving Squatters!
How you and your slimy band of thieves managed to move yourselves in without the usual background/credit checks–and before the first of your checks failed to clear–is a complete mystery to me. But...
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Eh Newbie Spear Fisherman!
To the newbie spear-fisherman at the Westside beach: Wow, you had a big new shiny gun but the fish that was dangling from it was quite manini! A snapper you say? Review your fishing regs, friend–even...
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Eh Slipper Litterer!
Eh Brah! I wasn’t the only one who saw you walking out of Long’s Drugstore in Kahului with a smile on your face and shiny new slippahs in your hand. We saw you take your feet out of the old ones, put...
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Eh Backyard Bum!
You’ve been crashing on our back patio swing for a couple months. You sleep late and then lurk at our house, morning and night. You should get up, look for housing and let us enjoy our backyard. If...
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Eh Shameless Thief!
So I left my house in Haiku to do a quick errand and when I returned, you jumped up on my deck and robbed me. I could see exactly where you looked so I know you’ve done this before. Need some ice...
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Eh Dog Catcher!
Eh dog catcher: That dog you got at the grocery store parking lot and took to the pound was a service dog. The way you acted was so disgusting that I can’t believe they hire people like you. You came...
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Eh Muscleheads!
Eh Brah! What’s the deal with you three muscleheads power walking down the boardwalk by Kalama Village Park? You had to march three abreast–not single file, which would have allowed for opposite...
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Eh Guy Who Throws Cardboard In The Trash Dumpster!
I saw you (and pretty much everyone else in the apartment complex) carelessly throwing cardboard in the trash dumpster. Did you not see the “Cardboard Only” dumpster right next to it? Don’t you know...
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Eh Realtor Fool!
I came into your fancy little real estate business with my daughter to ask you a quick and specific real estate question. What was I thinking!? I asked you, and you gave me an arrogant scoff followed...
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Eh Pig Hunter!
Eh brah: I get that you hunt feral pigs. But in the suburbs? At 3am? I know this because your pickup, which was full of weapons, pulled in next to my house. Then a pig started screaming for 30...
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Eh Slipper Litterer!
Eh Brah! I wasn’t the only one who saw you walking out of Long’s Drugstore in Kahului with a smile on your face and shiny new slippahs in your hand. We saw you take your feet out of the old ones, put...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Eh Backyard Bum!
You’ve been crashing on our back patio swing for a couple months. You sleep late and then lurk at our house, morning and night. You should get up, look for housing and let us enjoy our backyard. If...
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