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Eh Shameless Thief!
So I left my house in Haiku to do a quick errand and when I returned, you jumped up on my deck and robbed me. I could see exactly where you looked so I know you’ve done this before. Need some ice...
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Eh Dog Catcher!
Eh dog catcher: That dog you got at the grocery store parking lot and took to the pound was a service dog. The way you acted was so disgusting that I can’t believe they hire people like you. You came...
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Eh Muscleheads!
Eh Brah! What’s the deal with you three muscleheads power walking down the boardwalk by Kalama Village Park? You had to march three abreast–not single file, which would have allowed for opposite...
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Eh Guy Who Throws Cardboard In The Trash Dumpster!
I saw you (and pretty much everyone else in the apartment complex) carelessly throwing cardboard in the trash dumpster. Did you not see the “Cardboard Only” dumpster right next to it? Don’t you know...
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Eh Realtor Fool!
I came into your fancy little real estate business with my daughter to ask you a quick and specific real estate question. What was I thinking!? I asked you, and you gave me an arrogant scoff followed...
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Eh Pig Hunter!
Eh brah: I get that you hunt feral pigs. But in the suburbs? At 3am? I know this because your pickup, which was full of weapons, pulled in next to my house. Then a pig started screaming for 30...
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Eh Toenail Clipper!
Eh brah, you were sitting on a low wall at the Lahaina Cannery Mall clipping your overgrown toenails. Customers were coming out of the mall, but you kept right on flicking your nails onto the...
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Eh Coconut Burner!
Hey neighbor: I can understand if you’re having a barbecue or cooking something, but why are you making a fire just to see the smoke? When you throw coconuts in the fire, that toxic smoke really burns...
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Eh Pooping Dog Owners!
Hello young lovers–the ones who “were walking” the black and white dog on Sugar Beach the other morning. Perhaps, if you had actually been holding the dog’s leash, you would have noticed the deposit...
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Eh Backpack Thief!
Mahalo to the jerk who stole my daughter’s backpack out of her car at our garage sale in Makawao. Not only did you steal her school books and schoolwork, you also got away with her iPad. That was her...
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Eh Bad Waiter!
If there’s a competition for the worst waiter of the year, you’re a great candidate. We asked for beer, and it never arrived. We asked for salsa, and you added $3.25 to the bill. We ordered fajitas,...
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Eh Loud Guy At The Coffeehouse!
Eh brah! You were sitting in the coffee shop, talking to your mother at epic loudness! Take your over-age, uncooth self and talk on the frickin’ speaker phone outside! No one wants to hear you whine...
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Eh Crazy Lady!
The nerve of you two bad-mouthed old muckity mucks in Kihei! There I was, peacefully taking pictures of my skateboarding kids, when you two walked up and wrecked the serenity of our evening with your...
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Eh Crazy Property Manager!
Eh, sistah. You’re the property manager of a house in Paia. Why do you have to be an extreme partier? You and the people who live there party there non-stop, from 10 at night until early the next...
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Eh Brah, No Vaping On Da Maui Bus!
Eh Brah! So, you like to vaporize or smoke E-cigs on the bus and in the mall? This product is too new and there isn’t enough research done to determine the long term health effects. I bet 90 percent...
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Eh Agro Bruddah On Hana Highway!
This goes out to the agro older bruddah in the pickup on Hana Highway: It’s actually because you tried to force your way in at the merge just past Haleakala Highway that I don’t believe you were...
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Eh Crazy Dolphin Lady!
Eh, crazy dolphin lady: you started coming around our beautiful South Maui bay. You go after the spinner dolphin pod, frantically swimming towards them, chasing them, trying to touch them and even...
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Eh, Crazy Hippie!
Eh you crazy hippie! You’re the one always weaving palm fronds into fish and hearts, when you’re not leaving trash and drinking and generally scaring the tourists. Did you know that palm trees are...
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Eh Mailbox Thief!
To the person or persons stealing from roadside mailboxes in Kula: I’m sorry your life is going so badly. I will miss the Tahitian black pearl with puka shell on a leather cord which was sent to me...
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Eh Angry Driver!
I was traveling west on Wakea Street and was turning left onto Hukiliki Street, trying to a beat a truck traveling east on Wakea. You–one angry tita–also clearly wanted to beat the truck. But I had...
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